Thursday, May 20, 2010

Finally......the Orioles call up Michael Aubrey

Garrett Atkins sucks. Look at him, he is even swinging too late in this picture.

The Orioles finally made the move they should have made weeks ago when it was apparent that Garrett Atkins was the worst baseball player in the major leagues and the worst Oriole player ever. I might even replace the picture of Manny Alexander on this blog with Garrett Atkins. And I am not joking. Garrett Atkins is an insult to baseball players everywhere, from little leaguers to unlimited leagues where forty-eight year old men with beer guts still play the game because they love it. And they are still better than Garret Atkins, beer guts and all.

Anyway, the O's called up Michael Aubrey. THANK YOU, GOD!

Currently, Atkins is batting .224 with 0 home runs and 6 runs batted in. His OPS is .544. He has 5 hits in his last 47 at bats. He looks like a dork. Yet he has started 7 of the last 9 games at 1B. MacPhail's inaction on Atkins over the last two weeks is like a parent watching their child beat the family dog and McFailing to do anything about it.

MacPhail was wrong to sign Atkins in the first place, to the now infamous $4.5 million dollar contract. He would have gotten more use out of that money had he burned it. And MacPhail was even more wrong to sit back and do nothing as Atkins flailed away at the plate over the last two weeks.

On the season, Atkins has only hit a handful of balls to the warning track. People on Orioles Hangout have said he doesn't even hit the ball hard in batting practice. Maybe that's because he looks like a ball of dough and squints so much at the plate you wonder if he can even see the ball. I know people always say Coors Field is a lunching pad that makes hitters better than they really are, but now I know it's 100% true. The fact that Garrett Atkins has 98 career home runs is astonishing. I can wrap my head around the physics of black holes easier than Atkins and his 98 career home runs.

Moving on...Michael Aubrey is not going to be great at first base, but he is going to be so much better than Atkins that I am actually giddy with excitement over it. I might actually watch Oriole games again. Aubrey has a pedestrian .804 OPS in Norfolk, but he did have some success in Baltimore last year, and as long as he puts up numbers close to what he did last year, he will be a fine first baseman for the remainder of the 2010 season.

So...can you can tell I am excited by this? Well, I am not as excited as I should be. I will hold my complete excitement for when Garrett Atkins is no longer an Oriole. And that is going to happen very soon.

Or will it?

I would have thought he would have been gone by now.

EDIT: Yesterday, the Baltimore Sun stated that the Orioles would call Michael Aubrey up from Norfolk, but that has been changed to Scott Moore. The same principle applies. Moore (anyone) > Atkins.

1 comment:

swobobafett said...

I had this discussion the other day. I don't think Atkins is the worst Oriole, but he's definitely the most worthless Oriole to ever put on the uniform.